I’m going to share a secret with you that you may not know. After years of talking to others and living my life, it took me a while to figure this out, but I know this for now: Cats are easier than kids. That may sound shocking, but believe me, it’s true because I have three cats, and most people that I know have two or three children. There’s no comparison.

So, if you are looking for a life in which you can be introspective, a little bit more self-absorbed, and on a quest to discover the deepest things about yourself, kids probably shouldn’t be in the picture. These are some of my reflections on my life without children.

Cats, however, can fit this scenario because they don’t require as much attention.

Like children, cats are comfortable eating food and living in your house without paying rent or contributing to the household. Also, it’s been proven that cats don’t have expensive aspirations like going to college or even a simple tech school; they’re most likely happy to lay around, giving you the occasional condescending look.

What am I actually getting at here?

I love my cats to death, and in the long run, I am happy that I was not even given the opportunity to have children.

So, because I don’t have children and have time to reflect, I contemplated, what exactly is someone missing when they don’t have children? Or, what are you missing when you do have children? What are you missing out on? That is the real question…. and don’t act like you haven’t thought of that one or two or a million times:)

This comparison is possibly best made by someone who doesn’t have children.

I already know that raising children is the hardest job in the world. I could be the CEO of two or three large companies, and I don’t think it would compare to having a child that I am responsible for 24/7. I have the highest admiration for people who are good parents. Parenting, although rewarding, involves tremendous sacrifice, which I’ve never had to do on that level.

Life Without Children: Reflecting on the Differences of Parenting

What I also came to realize while thinking through this topic is how dramatically differently we look at children now, as opposed to years ago. Think about it: years ago, children were “commodities.” If you had more children, they could work harder for you on the farm, and the amount you fed them wasn’t near the amount of work you got out of them. Back then, having a lot of children benefited you. I don’t necessarily agree with that, and there are still some communities like the Amish, for example, who work their children really hard, but that’s how it was for sure in the past.

In today’s modern society, we have flipped to the other end of the spectrum. Children are no longer commodities but “liabilities,” total liabilities… like you can “write them off on your taxes” liabilities.

Of course, feeding and clothing children costs a lot of money, and sending them to college can drain your entire 401k.

I don’t know how we went from extreme to extreme, but I’m glad I dodged the bullet.

I try to encourage parents to allow their children to take part in paying for their own college so that they have some skin in the game. I feel children need to realize this is their life, and you are trying to live your life and always attempting to save some money for retirement, etc. 

By observation, I have seen that children can help more often than I see them doing. “Mom, take me to the mall!” is a common statement from a teenage girl. Maybe Mom should turn around and say, “I’ll take you to the mall when I’m done cleaning…and as a matter of fact, you can clean the upstairs bathroom and vacuum, and when that’s done, we can go to the mall. That will save me time.”

By taking this approach, they actually help save the mother time. The added benefit is that it helps teenagers understand that parents don’t live in la-la land, that work needs to be done, and that money needs to be earned for children to buy everything they want.

What Are We Missing Without Children?

So, what are you missing out on by having children? Pampering, time to yourself, introspective time, and a break from worrying. I think these things can still be part of your life if you prioritize them and raise your children to be independent rather than coddling them too much. You must realize that they will eventually have their own (adult) life, and you want them to have the same happiness and freedom in that respect that you long to have, too.

When you realize this, taking time for your needs and wants, or even taking time to think about what you really want out of life, will allow you to flourish into being the best version of yourself. This is truly the best example for your children. I have observed this from the outside in my life without children.

Lessons in Self-Care for Parents

We know that people are able to pick up on other people’s energy. Children are very attuned to this. When I see a child having a temper tantrum in the store, I don’t blame the mother, but I know that she must be feeling frazzled inside, and the child is picking up on it. This isn’t always the case, but children who continuously are sick, have temper tantrums or are uncontrollable should cause us to stop and look at the people closest to them: their parents. It is so important for a parent to take care of themselves first, just like the airlines say about putting their oxygen mask on first before they put one on their child because we can only properly take care of others when we first take care of ourselves. 

I know that many parents suffer from guilt that they’re not “doing enough” for their kids, and that’s why I am choosing to remind them of this point. I know that self-care for a parent is really the best care they can ever give their child.

Finding Contentment in Every Path

What am I missing in a life without children of my own? I am missing learning a deep, unconditional love for someone who totally depends on me while needing to be selfless most of the time. So, I challenged myself to learn that with other people and in other situations because it is an important part of the evolving human soul.

I used to say that having children can bring you more bliss than anything in the world, but having something happen to them can bring you more pain than you could ever imagine. So, I thought these two extremes canceled each other out, and that’s how I rationalized the pain of not being able to have children when it first happened.

That statement is still true, but whether you have children or not, you can learn to relish the advantages of your “side.”

In other words, you know the grass isn’t always greener, and we all need to be content where we are. I know I am.

I have found that without having children and diving deep into my soul, I could have many spiritual experiences. But those with children can find a love they never thought they had in them.

We can both learn something profound, which is why we are all here. I try to learn something when observing parents who love their children unconditionally.

Hopefully, when people see me living independently and following my heart, they will be inspired and know that they can still do that, with or without children. Thankfully, I have adapted well to not having children, but I do thank God everyone is not like me, or we wouldn’t perpetuate the race.